Awaken
by zellewalnut
Summary: What is going on in Beethoven's head after he (tries to) end his life? If he had had the chance to make a different choice, would he? With the help of his Fairy Gayfather, maybe he can reevaluate the value of a life.


Disclaimer: I do not own Dog Sees God, Peanuts, or It's a Wonderful Life. I only own the sparkly Fairy Gayfather and all my hopes and dreams for Beethoven and CB's love life.

Beethoven frowned at the influx of white light across his tired pupils. He raised his head, a theory half- forming in his head as he moved a hand across his forehead as a shade. His fingers were whole, just the same that they had been before- before everything had happened. He sat up, frowning to himself, before looking around at his surroundings. He was inside a completely white space. Although there had been times when Beethoven had wished to be surrounded by nothing, the reality was staggeringly frightening. It was like being burrowed in snow, only with the absence of cold. Slowly and carefully, Beethoven stood up as though he was afraid that any quick movements would have some terrible repercussion- he was.

Suddenly, a bright pink light appeared, quickly followed by a fashionably dressed man with sparkly wings. Beethoven blinked before the man began to speak. "Hello, Schroeder. You are currently in the space between life and death commonly known as limbo, where you get to make a choice how to continue on." Beethoven groaned "You have got to be kidding me… And don't call me that." "Well, I'm a figment of your imagination, so I could appear in any form that would be comfortable for you," He promptly turned into the real Beethoven, curly hair and all. Beethoven blinked again, and found himself looking at CB.

The imaginary CB's hand gently cupped the side of Beethoven's face before he leaned in and whispered. "He still wants you. Even if no one else does, that boy loves you." Beethoven tried in vain to move his head from the other's grasp. "You're wrong, he doesn't." The other let go of him in shock and took a few steps back. "What do you mean, 'he doesn't'?" "I don't know. You just are. And I just know." He turned away, staring into the whiteness that surrounded them in this strange state of mind.

In a blink, the sparkly man appeared again. "As your inner flamboyant gay, Beethoven, I'm giving you this choice." It was truly disturbing that any part of his brain was that just looked away at that, wondering if this was going to turn out like CB's favorite Christmas movie. He hated that movie, even back when they had all just been kids… Kids that were all really, really bad at baseball and spent time with a singing dog. He hoped that in his version of the story, opening a bank would not be necessary. Though, to be fair, he had no wife or children and the antagonist of his story was not an old angry man in a wheelchair. "If I choose to die, what happens?"

The flamboyant man shrugged. "The world will lose an incredibly talented young man. All that happens for you is that you die and are no longer present in the world that your friends inhabit." Seeing Beethoven's hesitation, he leaned again. "I'm your Fairy Gayfather, and I'm sure that you already know you're fairly ambidextrous with something other than piano… CB, would know, wouldn't he?" he pulled away and disappeared. Beethoven sputtered uncomfortably before shouting "No, no he wouldn't!" His Fairy Gayfather reappeared in a flash. "I'm sure he wants to. But, if you choose to die, you will never know the answer to that question or any of the others you might have about life."

Suddenly, Beethoven was brought back to the night of the party. He recalled CB's hand in his own and the look in the other's eyes. There had been no hesitation in his face as they… connected. He opened his eyes, surprised to find that he had closed them in the first place. In that moment, Beethoven realized that his decision had already been made.

"I know what I need to do." The Fairy Gayfather did not look at all surprised. In fact, he looked rather smug. "That's all I needed to hear from you, darling." The only problem was that, nothing was going to be easy. Letting go never was.


End file.
